The way a couple fights is one of the most accurate indicators of relationship satisfaction. Jerome Adams, professor of marriage and family therapy, says there are tools for keeping your inevitable disagreements as relationship-friendly as possible.

Pick the right time and place Resist the temptation to hash things out at vulnerable moments. It’s much more effective to say, “I want to work this out, but I’m not at my best right now. Let’s discuss it another time.” You can also call a “time-out” or change the subject when you feel things are getting out of hand, resolving to finish the discussion when each party has cooled off. The partner who calls time-out resumes the conversation at a later date.

Stay on topic If you’re fighting about the fact that he left you stranded at his sister’s wedding, then stick to that grievance. This is not a good time to throw in that she never puts her dirty clothes in the laundry hamper. Bringing up past hurts and complaints will put your partner on the defensive.

Pick your battles Sometimes you just have to accept that your partner will always be 15 minutes late and will never learn to see the black stuff that grows between the bathroom tiles. If you’re always picking a fight about little things, it will be hard to get him or her to listen to the big stuff. Researchers estimate that only 31 percent of couples’ major areas of continuing disagreement were about resolvable issues. So 69 percent of the time, they were about perpetual problems. Unsuccessful couples stockpile grievances, while successful couples know what to let go—and how to accept their partner with humor, affection, and even amusement.