I remember it was a true summer day, July or August, that I can’t recall. The sky as blue as it could be, not too hot, not too cold, definitely a day spent best by the pool. My phone had buzzed, and checking it, the message was clear. 

I would not be returning back to school in the fall. At least, not physically. 

I had only spent six months on campus as a freshman, being sent home in March, not knowing that it was a permanent end to my freshman year in Hillside Hall. The virus, something none of us could have predicted, swept the nation. In turn, I would be swept inside, for months on end.

As a Rhode Islander, my housing assignment and plans to live on campus were lost. It wasn’t unexpected, as both the case and death toll around the world was only increasing. I was terrified. Scared of the world outside my house, scared for my loved ones, scared for the future. So having to go remote seemed like the safest option anyways. 

Since graduating high school, I had become a lot more of an introvert and a lot less of a social person. I thought this served me well when the lockdowns came into place, so I figured that would be the case when it came to remote learning too. 

Prior to the virus, my mental health had already begun to struggle. Anxiety continued to rise in my day to day life, and the inability to control it invited in the depression. But I was never one to really reach out, always wanting to put it on my back and try to move forward with a smiling face. 

This only began to stack up once the virus continued to rise. And the worst part was, I didn’t even realize it. It felt like I woke up every day a little more deeper into the dark hole, except I had no idea how I got there, or what was doing the digging. 

When school had started, it had been around five months of quarantine for my family and I. Again, I didn’t seem to mind staying home. In high school, I was always on the move, playing three sports, being a part of multiple clubs, always out and in the door. Even in the first year(ish) of college, I was living away from home, always out and in the dorm. All the times I had wished to be able to just be at home, was now the new reality. 

So why was my mental health struggling so much? 

As the days grew shorter, and the world grew colder, I found myself in a dark place. Sitting in my room day in and day out, having school feel more like a never-ending homework assignment. My screen time went up, and so did my media intake, as the news, and what seemed like everywhere I looked, was riddled with death and chaos, promising that things were only going to get worse. I read and watched and listened to it all, without ever feeling like it was weighing on me.

Looking back to that first semester behind a screen, my heart aches for that girl. For the girl who struggled to get out of bed. For the girl who stopped moving her body and going outside. For the girl who would have to turn her zoom camera off because she was crying for a reason she could not find. Because that same girl sits here and sees that by losing contact with the world, she lost contact with herself.

But this isn’t a hopeless story. 

I called a therapist. And then I hung up. And I kept calling and hanging up, feeling so embarrassed and weak and unsure. But on one of those attempts, I didn’t hang up. And now, I have been in therapy for five months. I started working out again, taking advantage of Nike’s new free app for people just like me, and started going on daily walks. I joined a new club at school, joining the literary arts magazine Ether(bound) as the new creative designer and editor, meeting a bunch of new friends in the process. I started my own graphic design & marketing freelance business, even getting the chance to help entrepreneurs found at the school’s Launch Lab. 

I stopped saying I was fine when I wasn’t, and I started speaking about the problems I had instead of keeping them inside. And, most of all, I started telling myself that it is okay to rest. 

But this story is not solely mine. 

Millions of students nationwide, even worldwide, are in a pandemic of their own; a mental health pandemic. It is now more important than ever to check in with those we know, to make mental health resources available for all and not just some. The life of a student spent behind a screen does not have to be one of isolation. It’s all about taking that first step forward.

This spring, I am once again completely remote from school. But I no longer feel the isolation I once did. I have a healthy schedule, with time set aside simply for me, something I failed to include before. It’s all about balance. And, very slowly, but surely, I am finding meaning and a love for life again. 

Of course, there are still days where that voice inside my head is blaringly loud. Days where the world seems too much and life feels like it’ll always be this heavy. But the words that I always needed to hear when I felt like this: It won’t. We will get through this. You will get through this. And you don’t have to do it alone. 

As a student at URI, you have multiple resources for your mental wellbeing. 

• • URI Counseling Center helps students lead successful and fulfilling lives through counseling, referrals, outreach programs, and online self-assessments.
  • Health Services We are here to support you in that, providing a wide range of care that addresses the whole you—your physical and mental health and wellness. 
  • Well-being Coaching for URI students offers one on one meetings with a certified Well-being Coach, who is trained to identify your strengths and support you with a goal or behavior change. 
  • JED’s Mental Health Resources Provides essential information about common emotional health issues and shows teens and young adults how they can support one another, overcome challenges and make a successful transition to adulthood.
  • The URI Women’s Center partners with others in the URI community to provide an empowering space that promotes social justice for every member of the community, regardless of gender, gender identity, body, ability, sexual orientation, race, spirituality, and ethnicity.
  • The URI Gender and Sexuality Center website contains a variety of resources, contacts, programs, and support for people everywhere.
  • The Multicultural Student Services Center promotes access, equity, and individual growth for traditionally underserved students.
  • Disability Services for Students works with students and all units of URI to create inclusive and sustainable learning and working environments. 
  • The Dean of Students Office offers a wide variety of services designed to empower our students and facilitate their involvement in the university’s decision-making process.
  • The Office of Veteran Affairs and Military Programs at URI welcomes veterans, military, and their families to our beautiful campus community. We value your service to our country and we thank you
  • Rhody Outpost The pantry provides food and other items at no charge to students, along with services and resources (see the Students First Fund page).
  • Psychological Consultation Center (PCC) is a mental health service, research, and training facility that serves both the URI and greater RI community. Established in 1968, the PCC is a training clinic for doctoral-level graduate students in the Clinical Psychology graduate program offered through the Department of Psychology at URI. The PCC offers individual treatment, adult assessment services, and a specialty clinic for children with anxiety.

Support Hotlines

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1.800.273.8255
• The Trevor Project – 1.866.488.7386
• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741
• Behavioral Health (BH) Link – 401.414.5465

Hi! My name is Kendall and I am a sophomore at the University, studying Creative Writing, Graphic Design, Business Innovation & Entrepreneurship, and Japanese! I am a Graphic Designer for Campus Rec, and although it is my first year working here, I already love it so much as it fits perfectly into my fields of study! Something interesting about me; I have been a model for about three years, being lucky enough to have even walked in New York Fashion Week! In my free time, I enjoy copious amounts of time spent outside or playing with my puppy Mose.