Grief can leave us deeply affected and impacted. No two people grieve in the same way and it is important to be gentle with yourself as you move through this painful time. It is necessary to work through the emotions and behaviors associated with loss or they could manifest themselves through symptoms such as depression and anxiety.
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What Can We Expect from Grief?
You may experience all, none, or some of these.
- Aches and pains
- Anger
- Changes in appetite and weight
- Difficulty concentrating or feeling motivated
- Digestive issues
- Fear
- Guilt
- Increased susceptibility to illnesses
- Loneliness
- Panic/Anxiety
- Sadness
- Sleep disturbances and fatigue
- Shock/Numbness
These are just some of the reactions you might experience after a profound loss. Accepting and experiencing the reality and pain of grief is one of the hardest things an individual will face. It is also the key to healing — not forgetting, but healing. If you think you need help with your grief, talking to a counselor or another supportive person may help you move forward in the healing process.
Practical Tips for Coping with Grief
Grief is a deeply personal experience, and everyone copes with it differently. While there is no “right” way to grieve, here are some practical suggestions to help you navigate grief and loss:
Talk About the Person You Lost
Sharing memories and talking about your loved one can help you process your emotions and keep their memory alive. Whether it’s with a close friend, family member, or counselor, expressing your feelings can bring comfort.
Write About Your Feelings
Journaling can be a therapeutic way to work through grief. Writing about your emotions, memories of the person you’ve lost, or even letters to them can help you make sense of your feelings and provide an outlet for expression.
Take Care of Your Body
- Eat nutritious foods throughout the day.
- Keep yourself hydrated since crying can cause dehydration.
- Move your body by taking a short walk, or spend some time stretching or doing a physical activity that you enjoy doing.
- Try physically grounding movement such as yoga or Qigong.
- Engage your senses:
* Focus on the sensations of your feet on the ground, the feeling of water on your hands, or the taste of food.
* Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. - Breath Deeply. Slow, deep breaths can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the “rest and digest” system, which helps to calm the nervous system and counteract the effects of stress.
- Do a Body Scan. Systematically scan your body, noticing any sensations and releasing tension.
Stick to Your Routine
This can provide a sense of normalcy and stability, even when your emotions feel out of control. Simple tasks like attending classes, meeting friends, or engaging in hobbies can help ground you.
Create a Supportive Environment
Surround yourself with people who understand your grief and can offer emotional support. If you’re not ready or don’t want to talk, it’s okay to simply be around others who can offer comfort without pressure.
Seek Support groups and/or Professional Help If Needed
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by grief, or if it’s interfering with your daily functioning, it’s okay to seek professional help.
There are also grief support groups, some are general groups and others are loss specific (e.g. for people who are grieving the deaths of children, parents, spouse/partner, or death due to suicide, etc.). Being with people who are experiencing the same type of loss can be meaningful in your grief journey.
Individual counseling can also offer a safe space to express your feelings and receive guidance on managing your grief.
Honor the Memory of Your Loved One
Create rituals or find meaningful ways to remember your loved one. This could be through a memorial, making a donation in their name, or engaging in an activity they loved. During holidays or celebrations, you can place a picture of the loved one by the table and invite people to share memories. Holidays, family celebrations and the anniversary of your loved one’s death can be extra challenging, so remember to be gentle with yourself. Planning how you want to spend these days may help you process and cope with your grief. These rituals can provide comfort and a way to celebrate their life.
Find Small Moments of Peace
Practicing mindfulness, deep breathing, or meditation can help you find brief moments of calm in the chaos of grief. Even just a few minutes of focus on your breath can help alleviate some of the emotional intensity you’re experiencing.
If people say unhelpful things (usually in an attempt to make us feel better), ask for what you really need.
For example, if someone says, “You should be over it by now,” you can reply with, “I understand that you’re trying to help, and I appreciate that. When I heard you say, ‘You should be over it by now,’ I felt like my grief was being dismissed. I’m still working through it, and what helps me most is feeling supported—just having someone to listen really makes a difference.”
You can also let them know how else they can support you. E.g, asking if they would cook you a meal, help you get your laundry done, go for a walk, distract you for a bit, etc. Whatever would help your day be a little easier is okay to ask for.
Engage in Creative Expression
Sometimes words aren’t enough to express the depth of grief. Engaging in creative activities like painting, drawing, music, or crafting can offer an emotional release and help you process feelings you might not have the words for.
Spend Time in Nature
Nature has a calming effect on the mind and body. Spending time outdoors — whether it’s a walk in the park, sitting by a lake or on the quad, or simply listening to the birds — can provide peace and help you reconnect with yourself during a challenging time.
Avoid Isolation
While it’s normal to want some time alone, isolating yourself for long periods can make grief feel heavier. Try to stay connected with friends, family, or support groups. Even small interactions with others can provide a sense of connection and ease feelings of loneliness.
Practice Gratitude
It might seem difficult at first, but practicing gratitude, even in small ways, can help shift your focus and bring some light into the darkness. Consider starting a gratitude journal or taking a moment each day to acknowledge something you’re grateful for, even if it’s just a small thing.
Give Yourself Permission to Laugh
It’s common to feel guilty about experiencing moments of joy or laughter during grief, but laughter can actually be therapeutic. It can lighten your mood and help release pent-up emotions. Give yourself permission to enjoy a funny movie or a shared joke with friends.
Limit Major Life Changes
If possible, try to avoid making major decisions during the early stages of grief. Big life changes, like changing schools, roommates, or majors, or other significant adjustments, can add extra stress when you’re already processing intense emotions.
Lean into Spirituality or Faith (If You’re Comfortable)
If you have a spiritual practice or faith, lean into it for comfort and guidance. Prayer, meditation, or other spiritual rituals can offer a sense of peace and connection during a time of loss.
Create a Memory Box
A memory box is a tangible way to keep your loved one’s memory alive. Gather items that remind you of them—letters, photographs, personal belongings—and place them in a box. This can serve as a comforting reminder of the love you shared.
Avoid Judgment of Your Grief
Grief is unique to each person, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to experience it. Some may cry often, while others may not cry at all. You might feel angry, numb, or overwhelmed—and all of those responses are valid. Don’t let others’ expectations dictate how you grieve.
Find Meaning in the Loss
In time, you might find some meaning or purpose in the loss, whether it’s through the lessons learned, the strength gained, or the love shared. Finding meaning doesn’t diminish the pain, but it can provide a sense of peace and a way to carry your loved one’s memory forward.
Give Yourself Grace
Grieving can be exhausting, and it’s easy to feel frustrated with yourself for not “moving on” quickly enough. Remember, healing doesn’t happen on a set timeline. Be kind to yourself and allow the process to unfold at your own pace.
How You Can Support Others Who Are Grieving
- Be a good listener. Often just sitting with someone is a great support. Ask them about their loss; don’t avoid it.
- Ask if there are helpful things that you can do such as making telephone calls, offering to shop for them, etc.
- Let them feel sad.
- Don’t minimize the grief, or tell them to get over it.
- Avoid statements intended to cheer the person up such as, “they’re in a better place.” While well intended, they can feel dismissive of the pain being experienced and may result in the griever no longer opening up about their feelings.
- Acknowledge their loss and sadness.
- Be available when you can. Accept your own limitations. Be supportive, but care for yourself too.
- Be sensitive to the cyclic nature of the grief process. Be patient. Remember that grief can appear to come and go for no apparent reason. There is no fixed time in which the bereavement process should be over.
People who are grieving often feel isolated or lonely in their grief. Soon after the loss, social activities and support from others may decrease. As the shock of the loss fades, there is a tendency on the part of the griever to feel more pain and sadness. Well-meaning friends may avoid discussing the subject due to their own discomfort with grief or their fear of “making the person feel bad”. They may “not know what to say”.
People who are grieving are likely to fluctuate between wanting some time to themselves and wanting closeness with others. They may want someone to talk about their feelings and experiences or to simply sit with them. Showing concern and thoughtfulness about a friend shows that you care. It’s better to feel nervous and awkward sitting with a grieving friend than not to be there for them at all. This is a time to reaffirm the value in your relationship.